From The Girl Who Is Always Happy, To The Girl Who Is Scared To Be Happy

"Amanda, you're always smiling"

"Amanda, I wish I was always as happy as you"

"Amanda your happy, optimistic personality shines"

"How can you not be happy while being around Amanda?"

"Amanda, you're always so blissful"

"Is that why your social media name is blissfulmandy???"

Comments like that are something I normally hear on a daily basis. And to be honest, I never thought about it as me being "happy", I thought about it as me being "me."

How is it that females strong as bulls and courageous as a lion are terrified of things human beings craves the most? Why is it that the human brain can imagine such beautiful and wonderful things, but on the other hand be scared of the most beautiful and wonderful feeling? How is it possible that the most loving, compassionate genuine and gentle women are the same ones who are mortified of getting the same love they put out in return? When did the most joyful, enthusiastic creatures in the universe decide they were scared of "happy"?

Happy, to some people, is a word that makes them smile on the outside, but silently cringe on the inside. The word makes them cringe so much from within, you swear you can almost see their eyes shake in their skulls. To some, being afraid of happy sounds silly.

It's the painful reality. I mean, being happy means a situation is going good or getting better. Meaning that even thought it is going very good, it can also go very wrong. It can cause pain. Heartbreak. Disappointment. Failure.

Sure it's a bit morbid to think about it that way. But some people have faced so much pain, heartbreak, and agony it's the only logical way to think about the whole situation; a brilliant, yet cruel defense mechanism

As brilliant as the defense mechanism sounds, it doesn't have to be that way. We are supposed to guard ourselves, but not to the degree where we get in the way of our own happiness

You have to stop getting in the way of your own happiness. It's definitely easier said (and even easier typed) than done. It's definitely preaching to the choir. It's definitely also a matter of "practice what you preach". But from one girl who used to be afraid of being happy to another, it's a step we have to take, because everyone deserves to be happy.

"Amanda, how are you so happy all the time?"

I know everyone expects me to whip out this 4 page essay written in MLA format, dated, with my sources cited explaining just how I'm so dang happy all the time. But the real, and only truthful answer I can say is "I'm not." Not even close.

I noticed that if I constantly reminded myself of how sucky certain situations were on a daily basis, or even if I thought about it a lot, it was like having a 200lb brick attached to the bottom of my feet dragging me down 24/7. Instead, I decided that I just want to live each day one minute at a time and simply try to enjoy every moment. Everyone knows that in life you sometimes have to do things you didn't think you'd ever have to do. For example, I once had to scrub the ceiling of the Burger King freezer for 2 hours. If I had spent every minute of those two hours complaining about how much I hated the experience and the fact that I had to be there, I would have made myself miserable. Instead, I turned on some music and danced like no one was watching (to keep up my body heat so I wouldn't freeze of course, and because you can't not dance while listening to jams) Was I happy about having to clean the ceiling of the freezers? No. Not even a little bit. But I decided to make the most of my experience 

So my advice to someone who "wants to be as happy as Blissfulmanders," is to just live. Take lots of pictures to remember moments, and spend a lot of time smiling at things that other people might not smile about. Do amazing things, and spend time learning about things that really interest you. And always remember that just like you, everyone has something that is weighing them down. View each person in the world as someone important, and the happiness will come more naturally to you than you ever thought possible.

Xo~ Mandy