I Don't Have My Shit Together, And That's Okay

I know its early to start talking about the holiday's on September 3rd, but me personally, I like to prepare myself months in advance for what I'm about to say. Holiday's means family. Family means questions. The annual family holiday party with cousins, aunts, uncles and everyone in between who you just know will ask the dreaded question that makes you rethink your entire life in less than a minute: "So, do you know what you're doing?" Funny how one simple question can send your every way of thinking into an uproar, making you question every action you have ever taken and makes you further contemplate any possible actions you will take in regards to life.

Your whole life there were those who presumably had it all figured out; the genius infant sibling who was destined to become a brain surgeon, the kind-hearted cousin who knew she was sure to become a teacher, and the parents who insisted their child was going to Harvard for mathematics because they managed to score a 100% on a 1-minute multiplication quiz in second grade. And then you have me. The only first grader who constantly had to sit on the bench during recess because she couldn't finish her spelling words activity during class.

 If you’re anything like me, you’re probably staring at your computer screen in your sweatpants and eating ice cream after a long, stressful day, to see yet another announcement from an exuberant high school classmate. “After five years of being together, we’re finally engaged!” “Today, I landed the internship of a lifetime! One step closer to my career!” “I just moved in with my boyfriend!” And then again, you have me who's highlight of the week is the fact that I'm only one more purchase away from a free protein shake at TKO. Post after post after post line my wall, all of the people seeming like they have everything all together in their teens and early twenties. Kudos to anyone who has their shit together at such an early time in their life because let me tell you I am not, nor have I ever been someone who has it all figured out. 

Shit Show. Mess. Fiasco. Disaster. I think you get the point- and these are all words to commonly describe myself, my friends and my current situation in life. I'll be the first to admit, I've gone to a Monday morning 8am class visibly still intoxicated from the night before, my clothes sit on my floor before and after my laundry is done, never seeing the inside of my closet, I put nails in my walls using the heels of my shoes because I just don't have a hammer, I've worked an entire shift with my shirt on inside out, I'm using conditioner as body wash at the moment, and sometimes I iron my shirts with my straightener because I care about my appearance but I just simply don't have my life together yet. Many would describe this lifestyle as a shit show and everyone has that one friend that plays this role perfectly, and I think it's pretty understood that I am indeed that friend.

At first, I used to be super offended by this and couldn't understand why people kept calling me a "train wreck." I mean sure, I showed up to my SAT's with no pencil and two different shoes on, but hey at least I made it on time. I was also offended when when I was told to be at a baby shower for 1:00 when it really started at 2:00 but they knew I'd be late. I've tried to change my shit show lifestyle day by day, slowly doing things to change my habits. I picked my clothes up off the floor and moved them to the foot of my bed, and I now have a cute little red hammer so there will be no more using my boots to hang up picture frames. But recently I thought to myself... I'm only 21 years old (newly). I have the ENTIRE rest of my life to have my shit together and right now sure isn't the time. Even though right now is my time to be a complete and utter shit show, I get done what needs to get done.

I've realized that you need to stop comparing your life to everyone else's. Some people may find the love of their life when they are 18, others won't until they are 45. Some will graduate college in 4 years flat, and some may take 10 years and end up with their PhD. Some people will spend college drunk at the bar, while others spend their college years in bed with cookie dough and a chick-flick. You can't compare your life to others because nothing about you're circumstances are the same, you may have the same destination, but the journey will never be the same. Not everybody grows at the same rate and that's okay.

Come to the realization that life will always be messy, no matter how old you are. Learn to accept the hot mess that you are and keep growing and moving forward, because one day the growth will land you right where you have always wanted to be. Nobody is perfect, so don't compare your life to others, we are all in different time frames, working towards different goals. Just be patient, and don't try to rush things that need time to grow.

You never know what kind of crazy situations life is going to put you in. But as long as you inhale every situation with an open, positive mind, and remember to have fun, then sugar honey ice tea you are on the right track! 

The most important thing is to never stop putting in the work that you want to succeed. If you want something bad enough, work hard to get there, and don't ever give up on your dreams.

Xo~ Mandy